How To Tackle Naysayers
It’s been months since I created a topic on this forum. This thread was borne out of my recent thoughts and experiences and I think it wil...
https://newshelmng.blogspot.com/2015/10/how-to-tackle-naysayers.html
It’s been months since I created a topic on this forum. This thread was
borne out of my recent thoughts and experiences and I think it will be
helpful to everyone. Just spare a few minutes to read through.
At one point in our lives, we are bound to meet naysayers, be it colleagues, acquaintances, friends, or even close friends and family.
A naysayer is a person who habitually expresses negative or pessimistic views
Naysayers are termed as such because their favorite response is “nay.” Say you want to quit drinking alcohol. They’ll go “nay” and tell you that drinking a few more bottles won’t kill you. Say you want to lose weight and you eat healthily. They’ll go “nay,” that healthy food is boring, and then tell you to eat unhealthy, junk food instead. Say you are considering pursuing your passion. They’ll tell you that it’s not feasible in the bad economy today (the economy is always bad to them), that it’s not going to make you money.
Most of the times, naysayers have little to add to the conversation, only endeavoring to extinguish your hopes and dreams.
You most likely have met your fair share of naysayers in life. Probably back in school, one of your teachers was a huge naysayer. He/she discourage you and your classmates from aiming too high in life (by high, I really mean trying to aim for anything at all).
Or it may have been when you decided to quit your regular day job to pursue your passion. Everyone said no. Close friends said you were just going through a phase and you were going to regret it in the future.
Naysayers abound all around us.
If you’re facing a naysayer, here are eight tips suggested by Celestine Chua for you to tackle naysayers
1. Safeguard your goals.
Imagine you’re creating a beautiful, grand sandcastle at the beach. Now, imagine someone pouring water on top of your castle every minute. Will you be able to build anything eventually? No, of course not. Each time you build your castle foundations, they instantly get demolished by the gush of water. In the end, you’ll get some clumpy-lump-of-an-excuse for a castle, not to mention you feel highly frustrated. All your efforts to create your castle will be in vain.
That’s the same thing when you listen to naysayers. Being discouraging and skeptical, they tend to focus on the downsides about your goal(s). For every second you listen to them, it’s like pouring acid over your dreams. In the end, you are left with a demolished self-confidence and a wavering “Should I still do this?” thought about your dreams, whereas you were highly optimistic and confident prior to your encounter with them.
You see, for naysayers, they don’t know how it’s like to pursue your goals. Everything they say, they say it with the intent to scare you away from your goals. Do you know why?
It’s because they’re actually scared themselves. Because they’ve never done what you’re trying to do, they’re scared that you’ll succeed. They’re scared that if you succeed, it’ll show that they have been wrong about life all this while, and that they should be taking action when they aren’t. They’re scared to discover that they’ve been undermining their potential and wasting their lives all this while.
It’s unfortunate for them, but you need to remember that these are their fears, not yours, and there’s no reason why you should own their fears about your goals. Your life is yours and you don’t need others to tell you what you should do.
Your goals are too precious to let others taint them. Protect them. Don’t give naysayers the opportunity to damage your dreams by not even raising the topic in the first place.
For example, be very selective about who you share your goals and dreams with. Rarely talk about them unless people ask, and even then only share selected bits.That’s because the early stages of any goal formation process are always the most vulnerable, and it’s imperative that you only let the most conscious and supportive people in on what you are doing. If the person has a track record of being negative and discouraging, you most certainly shouldn’t let him/her on into your plans.
2. Evaluate the naysayer’s background.
Before considering anyone’s advice, always evaluate how the person is doing in his/her life. Consider the following:
1. Is this person living a life that I want for myself?
2. Is the person successful in the goal that I’m pursuing?
3. Does this person have knowledge and expertise in what he/she is commenting on?
If the answers are “no,” “no,” and “no,” then you should discount what he/she says. After all, this person is where he/ she is precisely from following his/her own thoughts and advice. By heeding his/her words, it can only get you to where he/she is, not where you want to be.
For example, if you want to lose weight and eat healthily, but your overweight colleagues are telling you to ditch the healthy foods and eat junk food for lunch/dinner, you will do well to ignore them. If you want to set up a business and you’re getting “advice” from people who don’t know anything about entrepreneurship and have never set up a business their entire life, you should take what they’re saying with a pinch of salt. If you want to quit smoking but your smoking peers — with their incessant coughing and bad breaths — keep telling you to take one more puff, it may be better to ignore them.
3. Evaluate the naysayer’s words.
Another tip is to evaluate the naysayer’s words. As the CEO of your life, you are the best person to assess and decide what works and doesn’t work for you. Consider the following:
1. What he/she is saying — does it resonate with me?
2. Is there validity behind his/her words?
3. Will applying this advice make me better off?
4. Is he/she coming from a place of fear or love?
If the answer is “no” to questions one to three, and the person is coming from a place of fear, then this advice isn’t for you — even if it is well-intended. Don’t let yourself get weighed down by it.
So, each time you meet a naysayer, first try to understand where he/she is coming from. Does he/she have a valid viewpoint, or is he/she just speaking from his/her fears? If it’s clear that the person is projecting his/her own fears rather than giving constructive thoughts, disregard his/her input. Your goals are precious, and you shouldn’t entertain anyone who tries to dump toxic waste onto your goals.
4. Ignore them. Tune out.
If you have concluded that this person is giving discouraging, bad advice, then tune out. Just because someone has advice for you doesn’t mean that you need to heed him/her. You must not take every advice. Because the “advice” that many people give most times are not informed advice but merely a reflection of their fears, just tune them out. If someone wants to offer you their two cents, you may not stop them from speaking but you can certainly choose not to accept it.] You always have a choice in how you react.
5. Don’t engage in the discussion.
As resolute as you are about your goals, naysayers are staunch in their views too. Hence, there’s no need to seek affirmation or agreement with them about your plans. If they insist on voicing their dissent, simply keep your responses short and simple, such as “I see” or “Okay.” Don’t assert yourself, fight back, or explain your stance. Trust me — it’ll be a complete waste of time. The naysayer will come up with all reasons to justify why he/she is right and why you’re wrong, which will only frustrate you. Not only that, the naysayer thrives in discouraging you, so being resistant will only fuel him/her to rebut further.
Switch topics if you have to. With no way to air his/her dissent, the naysayer will (hopefully) stop discouraging you.
6. Eject the naysayer from your life (if you can).
Since naysayers are a shroud to life’s possibilities, spending time with them will only darken your worldview. I recommend ejecting them from your life if possible, or reducing contact with them if this isn’t an option. Whether the person is a colleague, a friend, or a family member, there is no mandate that you have to spend 24/7 with him/her.
At work, there are other colleagues you can hang out with.
Socially, find like-minded friends to spend time with.
At home, just because you live with your family doesn’t mean you need to spend all waking hours with them. Even when you are spending time together, you don’t need to discuss your goals with them all the time.
Sometimes it may be sad if we have loved ones who are naysayers; it’s as if we can’t share our goals with people we love without being discouraged.
However, think about it positively: perhaps they are being discouraging because they are unaware of the larger possibilities of life. By being resolute in your goals, pursuing them, and succeeding in them, you will serve as an inspiration to them to think big and pursue their goals too.
7. Surround yourself with enablers.
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with, so choose five great people to spend time with, as opposed to hanging out with naysayers.
Think about the people who are supportive or will be supportive of your goals if you told them. Think about how you can increase the time you spend with them starting from today.
If you don’t have any of such people in your life, it’s okay. Think of the people out there in this world who are doing what you want to do, then increase your contact with them through their works, such as their books, interviews, TV shows, and so on.
Doing this will give you a network of people supporting you in your goals.
8. Think back to your vision for yourself.
Last but not least, think about your ideal vision. What is your ideal vision for your life? Whenever you get distracted by naysayers, it’s only because you’ve taken your eyes off your goals. If that’s the case, all you need to do is to look back at them. Recall what exactly you want to achieve. Think about what exactly you want to get out of your life.
Then, ask yourself if it’s worth it to put your goals on hold because of a couple of naysayers. For me, the answer is always clear and simple: it’s a “no.”
Don’t deny yourself of the life you should live just because of naysayers.
At the same time, make sure you’re not being a naysayer to others. When people share their goals with you, be sure to be encouraging and supportive to them.
At one point in our lives, we are bound to meet naysayers, be it colleagues, acquaintances, friends, or even close friends and family.
A naysayer is a person who habitually expresses negative or pessimistic views
Naysayers are termed as such because their favorite response is “nay.” Say you want to quit drinking alcohol. They’ll go “nay” and tell you that drinking a few more bottles won’t kill you. Say you want to lose weight and you eat healthily. They’ll go “nay,” that healthy food is boring, and then tell you to eat unhealthy, junk food instead. Say you are considering pursuing your passion. They’ll tell you that it’s not feasible in the bad economy today (the economy is always bad to them), that it’s not going to make you money.
Most of the times, naysayers have little to add to the conversation, only endeavoring to extinguish your hopes and dreams.
You most likely have met your fair share of naysayers in life. Probably back in school, one of your teachers was a huge naysayer. He/she discourage you and your classmates from aiming too high in life (by high, I really mean trying to aim for anything at all).
Or it may have been when you decided to quit your regular day job to pursue your passion. Everyone said no. Close friends said you were just going through a phase and you were going to regret it in the future.
Naysayers abound all around us.
If you’re facing a naysayer, here are eight tips suggested by Celestine Chua for you to tackle naysayers
1. Safeguard your goals.
Imagine you’re creating a beautiful, grand sandcastle at the beach. Now, imagine someone pouring water on top of your castle every minute. Will you be able to build anything eventually? No, of course not. Each time you build your castle foundations, they instantly get demolished by the gush of water. In the end, you’ll get some clumpy-lump-of-an-excuse for a castle, not to mention you feel highly frustrated. All your efforts to create your castle will be in vain.
That’s the same thing when you listen to naysayers. Being discouraging and skeptical, they tend to focus on the downsides about your goal(s). For every second you listen to them, it’s like pouring acid over your dreams. In the end, you are left with a demolished self-confidence and a wavering “Should I still do this?” thought about your dreams, whereas you were highly optimistic and confident prior to your encounter with them.
You see, for naysayers, they don’t know how it’s like to pursue your goals. Everything they say, they say it with the intent to scare you away from your goals. Do you know why?
It’s because they’re actually scared themselves. Because they’ve never done what you’re trying to do, they’re scared that you’ll succeed. They’re scared that if you succeed, it’ll show that they have been wrong about life all this while, and that they should be taking action when they aren’t. They’re scared to discover that they’ve been undermining their potential and wasting their lives all this while.
It’s unfortunate for them, but you need to remember that these are their fears, not yours, and there’s no reason why you should own their fears about your goals. Your life is yours and you don’t need others to tell you what you should do.
Your goals are too precious to let others taint them. Protect them. Don’t give naysayers the opportunity to damage your dreams by not even raising the topic in the first place.
For example, be very selective about who you share your goals and dreams with. Rarely talk about them unless people ask, and even then only share selected bits.That’s because the early stages of any goal formation process are always the most vulnerable, and it’s imperative that you only let the most conscious and supportive people in on what you are doing. If the person has a track record of being negative and discouraging, you most certainly shouldn’t let him/her on into your plans.
2. Evaluate the naysayer’s background.
Before considering anyone’s advice, always evaluate how the person is doing in his/her life. Consider the following:
1. Is this person living a life that I want for myself?
2. Is the person successful in the goal that I’m pursuing?
3. Does this person have knowledge and expertise in what he/she is commenting on?
If the answers are “no,” “no,” and “no,” then you should discount what he/she says. After all, this person is where he/ she is precisely from following his/her own thoughts and advice. By heeding his/her words, it can only get you to where he/she is, not where you want to be.
For example, if you want to lose weight and eat healthily, but your overweight colleagues are telling you to ditch the healthy foods and eat junk food for lunch/dinner, you will do well to ignore them. If you want to set up a business and you’re getting “advice” from people who don’t know anything about entrepreneurship and have never set up a business their entire life, you should take what they’re saying with a pinch of salt. If you want to quit smoking but your smoking peers — with their incessant coughing and bad breaths — keep telling you to take one more puff, it may be better to ignore them.
3. Evaluate the naysayer’s words.
Another tip is to evaluate the naysayer’s words. As the CEO of your life, you are the best person to assess and decide what works and doesn’t work for you. Consider the following:
1. What he/she is saying — does it resonate with me?
2. Is there validity behind his/her words?
3. Will applying this advice make me better off?
4. Is he/she coming from a place of fear or love?
If the answer is “no” to questions one to three, and the person is coming from a place of fear, then this advice isn’t for you — even if it is well-intended. Don’t let yourself get weighed down by it.
So, each time you meet a naysayer, first try to understand where he/she is coming from. Does he/she have a valid viewpoint, or is he/she just speaking from his/her fears? If it’s clear that the person is projecting his/her own fears rather than giving constructive thoughts, disregard his/her input. Your goals are precious, and you shouldn’t entertain anyone who tries to dump toxic waste onto your goals.
4. Ignore them. Tune out.
If you have concluded that this person is giving discouraging, bad advice, then tune out. Just because someone has advice for you doesn’t mean that you need to heed him/her. You must not take every advice. Because the “advice” that many people give most times are not informed advice but merely a reflection of their fears, just tune them out. If someone wants to offer you their two cents, you may not stop them from speaking but you can certainly choose not to accept it.] You always have a choice in how you react.
5. Don’t engage in the discussion.
As resolute as you are about your goals, naysayers are staunch in their views too. Hence, there’s no need to seek affirmation or agreement with them about your plans. If they insist on voicing their dissent, simply keep your responses short and simple, such as “I see” or “Okay.” Don’t assert yourself, fight back, or explain your stance. Trust me — it’ll be a complete waste of time. The naysayer will come up with all reasons to justify why he/she is right and why you’re wrong, which will only frustrate you. Not only that, the naysayer thrives in discouraging you, so being resistant will only fuel him/her to rebut further.
Switch topics if you have to. With no way to air his/her dissent, the naysayer will (hopefully) stop discouraging you.
6. Eject the naysayer from your life (if you can).
Since naysayers are a shroud to life’s possibilities, spending time with them will only darken your worldview. I recommend ejecting them from your life if possible, or reducing contact with them if this isn’t an option. Whether the person is a colleague, a friend, or a family member, there is no mandate that you have to spend 24/7 with him/her.
At work, there are other colleagues you can hang out with.
Socially, find like-minded friends to spend time with.
At home, just because you live with your family doesn’t mean you need to spend all waking hours with them. Even when you are spending time together, you don’t need to discuss your goals with them all the time.
Sometimes it may be sad if we have loved ones who are naysayers; it’s as if we can’t share our goals with people we love without being discouraged.
However, think about it positively: perhaps they are being discouraging because they are unaware of the larger possibilities of life. By being resolute in your goals, pursuing them, and succeeding in them, you will serve as an inspiration to them to think big and pursue their goals too.
7. Surround yourself with enablers.
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with, so choose five great people to spend time with, as opposed to hanging out with naysayers.
Think about the people who are supportive or will be supportive of your goals if you told them. Think about how you can increase the time you spend with them starting from today.
If you don’t have any of such people in your life, it’s okay. Think of the people out there in this world who are doing what you want to do, then increase your contact with them through their works, such as their books, interviews, TV shows, and so on.
Doing this will give you a network of people supporting you in your goals.
8. Think back to your vision for yourself.
Last but not least, think about your ideal vision. What is your ideal vision for your life? Whenever you get distracted by naysayers, it’s only because you’ve taken your eyes off your goals. If that’s the case, all you need to do is to look back at them. Recall what exactly you want to achieve. Think about what exactly you want to get out of your life.
Then, ask yourself if it’s worth it to put your goals on hold because of a couple of naysayers. For me, the answer is always clear and simple: it’s a “no.”
Don’t deny yourself of the life you should live just because of naysayers.
At the same time, make sure you’re not being a naysayer to others. When people share their goals with you, be sure to be encouraging and supportive to them.
